This game was so one-sided, even Jarrett Bush was making plays. That’s right, coach Mora, we’re talking playoffs!

The playoff picture is crystallizing like a fine midnight mist on the windshield of your car the next morning, and I am here to be your ice scraper, allowing you to see clearly what lies ahead. We no longer have any undefeated teams with Indianapolis’ half-hearted loss to the Jets (and what happened the last two weeks in New Orleans?) but we have plenty of intriguing ones. Which team do you fear most going into January 2010: the Chargers, the Eagles, the Packers, or some other entrant? Has your team recently been eliminated from postseason contention (this means you, NY Giants and Tennessee) or might-as-well-have-been eliminated (ditto to the Dolphins and Jags)? Keep on watching in week 17 and into the playoffs; your dedication to the sport is what separates a lukewarm fan from a true one. I, for one, am as pumped as ever to tackle the final twelve teams as we move into the most exciting playoffs in all of sports.

We begin this column as usual with a quick recap of the Packers game before investigating a few trends from the week, then the items you’ve come to appreciate. Not that you need a reminder, but feel free to leave a comment in the box below or if you’re into the privacy thing, you can e-mail me: selfserve@gmail.com. For those floating in the Twitterverse, I’m also found @greenbayblog.

THINGS I’M STILL PONDERING…

• The game was close for about twelve minutes, then the talent disparity of the two teams became apparent. Aaron Rodgers didn’t do a whole lot – less than 200 yards, only one touchdown, completed just over 50% of his passes – but he didn’t need to do a whole lot. He threw no interceptions and took only one sack (although two other sacks were nullified by defensive penalties) and he also picked up an early first-down by scrambling out of the pocket. These are all signs of an intelligent quarterback, but they’re also signs of better coaching by Mike McCarthy. You know that despite the rhetoric suggesting otherwise, McCarthy does not feel that his team can succeed with running the ball. The zone-blocking system is designed to take advantage of smaller, more decisive backs who don’t have the physical strength to bulldoze. The Packers have extensively used shotgun-spread formations, often going with empty backfields. You win by putting your best players on the field in effective formations–for Green Bay, this is their wide receiver corps in open space. Yet, this is not how Green Bay won.
• The Packers, strangely enough, ran the ball down Seattle’s gullet. It’s not strange in a football sense – rushing is still roughly half the game’s action – but it’s strange when you realize the last time the Packers had four rushing touchdowns in a game it was one decade ago. Yup, on January 2nd, 2000, Dorsey Levens went all Abe Lincoln on the Cardinals and had four scores.
  

  Ryan Grant channels his inner Reggie Bush on this first-quarter touchdown dive.

  Sunday, it was Ryan Grant with one, third-down sub Brandon Jackson with two (he also had a receiving touchdown in easily his biggest day as a pro), and Batman himself, Ahman Green, with the final tally. Before Grant’s touchdown, he was averaging just under two yards a carry. Does this mean his game is flukish? Yes and no. Grant’s not the kind of back you give the rock to 25 times a game and expect him to be a consistent game-breaker. Instead, he’s the kind of back you want to get about three or four yards a carry when things are going well and you hope he breaks a couple big runs. On his touchdown, left guard Daryn Colledge, who was much-maligned earlier in the year in his fill-in role as a left tackle, pulled out beautifully to the second level and sealed off the weak-side linebacker. Excellent edge blocking from the receivers also made that run possible.

• You gotta love seeing the backups take reps in the fourth quarter. Matt Flynn came in at quarterback, Derrick Martin, Jarrett Bush, and Brandon Underwood came in for the secondary, and Michael Montgomery and Cyril Obiozor got time working on the defensive line. Things were going so well that Mason Crosby forgot to miss a field goal! He went two-for-two on the day, knuckling a 29-yarder at the end of the first half and later adding a 52-yard shot to his collection. He got warm applause from the Green Bay faithful after the first and raucous cheering after the second, so let’s hope that was the kind of performance he needed to get his confidence back. Caveat: both kicks were from the left hash, not the right. I’ll feel a little less anxious when he starts regularly nailing kicks from that side.
• Let’s face it: this is a game Green Bay should have won handily, and they did. Actually, they won by a lot more than anyone suspected (who predicts 38-point blowouts?), but that’s a great sign. You want your team moving into January with swagger. I have no idea how next week will shake out with the game against Arizona. Do you resist showing anything but your vanilla offense and defense, knowing that you’re likely facing the same team the following week? Do you even play your starters more than a quarter or two? I don’t know, but I can tell you it’ll be my number-one question moving into my preview column this week. We’ll say this: the Packers are in, and they’re in convincingly. They’ve won six of seven and are making plays on both sides of the ball. This is a team that can go a long way.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH…
Clinch doesn’t always mean clutch.
Green Bay found itself in the playoffs with its win over Seattle, but they weren’t the only ones in position to alter their playoff situations Sunday. How did they get to that point? Well, the Giants made their case for elimination in the strongest way possible against the Panthers. Playing their final game in Giants Stadium, the same place that once housed the likes of Lawrence Taylor and Phil Simms, Big Blue got smothered by the sub-.500 Panthers, who were missing their starting quarterback and running back (must be a common theme in the NFC South–the same has happened to both Atlanta and Tampa Bay at some point this season). No matter: Jonathan Stewart gashed New York’s defense for 206 yards, taking the heat off young QB Matt Moore, who ended up throwing touchdowns to three different receivers (Steve Smith, who broke his arm on the TD, Muhsin Muhammad, and rarely-implemented H-back Jeff King).

Tony Romo has just won two consecutive road games in December. Time to start calling him clutch, right?

Dallas took advantage later that night with a road shutout of hated rival Washington. It’s hard to really tell if Dallas’ offense is playing exceptionally well or just doing enough to win, but their defense has come alive the last two weeks. I’ve mentioned before the rise of cornerback Mike Jenkins, but let’s also take time to credit the incredibly speedy recovery of defensive end/nightmare DeMarcus Ware, who was carted off the field only two weeks ago with what looked like a season-ending (or career-threatening) neck injury. As for Washington, they only play like they’re injured. OK, so they’re missing Pro Bowlers Chris Samuels, Clinton Portis, and Chris Cooley. But that doesn’t explain the years of neglect on the team’s back seven (DeAngelo Hall is a waste) nor its inability to develop Jason Campbell or find a suitable long-term replacement. Dallas hosts Philadelphia next week for the NFC East division crown.

How did it get to that point? Well, Philadelphia held off a feverish Denver comeback to win the Battle of Dawk Knight. My buddy Brendan announced after a fantastic Eagles drive culminated in a touchdown to DeSean “Bomberman” Jackson (damn it, I will make that nickname stick!) that Donovan McNabb has to be a Pro Bowl QB this year. Does he make the cut behind Drew Brees and Brett Favre, ahead of Rodgers or Romo? Statistically, Rodgers is better, but you gotta think playing in that market and (potentially) leading the Eagles to a first-round bye will raise his stock considerably. Did I say first-round bye? Too true, Vikings fans, as Minnesota fell in overtime to Chicago, its third straight road loss. Now the Eagles control their destiny in regards to a week off between the regular and the post-season (note: Dallas or Arizona could also claim the first-round bye with help). It doesn’t bode well for the Vikings that their pass defense has been burned on the edges for two straight weeks. It’s not the cornerbacks; it’s the safeties arriving late, biting on play-action, or being aligned out of position.

The painter of the AFC playoff picture must be a fan of abstraction.
It’s a little hard to tell what we’re looking at, to say the least. One thing it makes more sense than: Nickelback winning Artist of the Decade by Billboard. Nothing like repackaging the same chord progressions for four straight albums! Speaking of frustratingly repetitive trends, the Dolphins continued their annual fall from grace in December (Yes, I’m aware Miami edged New England for the division last year, but did you watch Chad Pennington get mauled by Baltimore in the playoffs? This wouldn’t have happened if Bernard Pollard doesn’t Tonya Harding all over Tom Brady’s knee). Miami got kicked in the ass by Houston, and that 27-20 final score doesn’t do the game justice. Matt Schaub was impeccable in the first half, slicing apart Miami’s supposedly strong secondary. Listen, you knew Chad Henne was not built to lead comebacks. He’s more A.J. Feeley than Dan Marino (or Jay Fiedler, for that matter). Houston’s still technically alive for a playoff spot but need lots of help. Is it a moral victory if they finish 9-7 and clinch the franchise’s first winning season? Hell no! They had plenty of opportunities to win, and this is Houston’s eighth year in the league. You know what the Jaguars and Panthers were doing in their second year? Going to conference championships, that’s what. Moral victory my eye.

I spent a good portion of the early afternoon absorbing both the Baltimore/Pittsburgh game and a buffalo chicken dip my friend’s father prepared. Only one of these things was satisfying until the very end. Don’t get me wrong, BAL/PIT was great fun to watch, and Steelers fans will take any victory they can (they’re already playing with house money after the “60 Minutes with Mike Wallace” win over Green Bay). But you kind of cringe knowing that Derrick Mason dropped that easy touchdown, or that an illegal contact call on Frank Walker (Packers castaway for a reason) put the final “touch” on the game. On the contrary, there was no cringing with buffalo chicken dip.

What else happened? More of the same: Indianapolis refuses to bite on national drama and New England wins the division. The Colts are no longer undefeated thanks in large part to coach Jim Caldwell’s decisions to lift Peyton Manning in lieu of the sucky Curtis Painter and to deactivate defensive end Robert Mathis. Yeah, the Colts are a legitimate Super Bowl contender, but this team already got one of those a few years ago. Why not try to do something extraordinary instead? Think of it as truly altruistic: America would no longer be required to hear from career backup and national pest Mercury Morris. The last team to come oh-so-close, New England, was back to their old tricks Sunday, demolishing Jacksonville 35-7. After watching Tom Brady find a wide open Randy Moss for the second time, my friend Devin said, “It seems like whenever I watch the Patriots, I’m stunned that they ever lose a game.” If Brady gets time in the pocket, look out, AFC. (By the way, imagine this scenario for the playoffs: Cincy grabs the 3-seed and Denver and Pittsburgh sneak in to the wild card spots, setting up first-round games of Pittsburgh/Cincy and Denver/New England, a.k.a. a repeat of crushing 2006 playoff losses by the Bengals and Patriots. Someone get Kimo von Oelhoffen and Ben Watson on the line.)

THE NO-HUDDLE…

He won ten games, a feat never before accomplished by a professional quarterback. That’s why he makes the big bucks.

Shocking, I know, that Matt Cassel would underperform yet again for the Chiefs, throwing yet another fourth-quarter interception in a loss to the Bengals, who won the AFC North. Kansas City’s decision to give up a high draft pick and give a quarterback with no playoff experience a huge contract would be more stupefying if the Bears hadn’t upped the ante by doing the same thing with Jay Cutler but for more money…It was a clean sweep for the state of Ohio on Sunday, as the Browns beat the Raiders. Highlight of the game: Sebastien Janikowski successfully kicked a 61-yard field goal. I think for the best interests of both fan clubs, Eric Mangini should have met Tom Cable at halftime and wagered the game on whether or not Janikowski could do double-or-nothing…Who dat gonna beat them Saints? Shockingly, it’s the Buccaneers, who rattled Drew Brees enough (and injured Pierre Thomas) to hold the Saints to 3 points after the first quarter…The Falcons pushed toward their idiosyncratic franchise goal of first back-to-back winning seasons with a decisive win over the Bills. Buffalo, that’s what you get for starting Brian Brohm…I’m sure Rams fans (all eight of them) watched with delight as the Cardinals destroyed their team, all but ensuring the top pick will be headed to St. Louis. Too bad Jake Locker returned for his senior year…Congrats to the Titans, who made Christmas parties around the nation a little more boring by failing to register a pulse against the Chargers…The 49ers beat the Lions in a game so universally unmemorable, you’ll have forgotten who I was writing about by the time you read the period at the end of this sentence.

30 SECONDS OF FAME

I’ve been saving this one for a perfectly opportune occasion, even though it’s been out for quite some time. After witnessing that 41-9 drubbing in the swamps of New Jersey, it shall be unleashed:

We’ve all laughed as that commercial has been preceded by a WTF-worthy interception by Eli himself, but his shaky performance this year gives the ad a special flavor. My only wish is that Citizen produced a follow-up spot that shows Eli doing that twitchy shoulder-jerk move that he does after another boneheaded play with the caption “‘Professional’ quarterback,” replete with ironic quotation marks.

Team/Player Photos: Green Bay Packers Team / Player Photos on Jul 25, 2010

WHAT I’M WATCHING NEXT WEEK:

It’s the last week of the season, so you best believe I’m catching those games that have playoff implications. I’ll tune in to Steelers/Dolphins and Texans/Patriots as well as Sunday night’s Bengals/Jets game if it’s still significant by 8:20 PM. The best game resides in Dallas, as the Cowboys tussle with the Eagles in a game that has the potential for huge residual effects on the NFC postseason.