The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade wouldn’t be complete without a Kansas City Chiefs player!

Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving this year! I know I’m thankful for my newfound readership. You guys have been clicking on my page at about an average of 60 hits per day. That’s an incredible number for a blog that started in earnest only three months ago from a writer who had no previous sports blogging experience. A hearty thank you to everyone who clicks on this page and takes ten minutes out of their day to read what I’ve written. Since I already covered the Thanksgiving Day games this week, we can jump right into our main course. As always, you can contact me by leaving a comment in the space below, e-mail me: selfserve@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @greenbayblog.

WEEK TWELVE PREDICTIONS

BUCCANEERS AT FALCONS
The Falcons are regressing and badly. After throwing only two interceptions his first four weeks, Matt Ryan has thrown ten picks in the last seven. Michael Turner went down with an injury (ah, perhaps that heavy workload last year is catching up to him). Their defensive line has been beset by injuries, particularly up the middle. Lucky for them, they’re playing a home game against the toothless Buccaneers (although I imagine in a historical sense, many buccaneers had few real teeth). I see few bright spots for a Tampa, a team that at this time last year was preparing for its (never to come) playoff game.
Falcons by nine.

DOLPHINS AT BILLS
The Bills have been all over the media this week for the wrong reasons.

Coaches are lining up to pre-decline the “opportunity” to babysit Terrell Owens.

Bill Cowher and Mike Holmgren publicly turned down the potential for the job. Mike Shanahan has been locked in meetings to ostensibly negotiate terms for the Bills to bring him back to coaching (read: $$). Now Mike Martz is interested in coaching again. Beware, Bills! Your franchise may be beset by a 75-25 pass:run ratio and timeouts in all the wrong places! The Dolphins are 5-5 despite losing their opening-day QB and RB. A lot of kudos need to go out to unsung guys like wide receiver Brian Hartline and offensive lineman Justin Smiley and moderately-sung guys like first-round pick CB Vontae Davis and the stickiest of Rickies, Mr. Williams. I still feel like traveling to Orchard Park in late November is going to be a tall order for a rookie quarterback like Chad Henne. Tentatively, I’m throwing my weight behind a lame-duck interim coach, a quarterback from Harvard drafted in the seventh round, and Terrell Owens. (Shivering.)
Bills by four.

COLTS AT TEXANS
This is the story of the prince and the pauper: two young lads in England, one of royal descent and the other a simple beggar, look remarkably like each other. So they decide, on a whim, to don the guise of the other’s social stature to learn how the world looks from on top or from below. The boys become strong friends and the lesson is that cooperation can help bridge the gap in socioeconomic status and opportunity. In this tale, the Colts are the princes and the Texans the paupers of the AFC South. The former has an undefeated season, escaping a series of games they could have easily lost. The latter has lost several heartbreakers in succession. I’m feeling romantic this week, and that’s why the Texans are my UPSET SPECIAL. That and the Colts’ dirty little secret: they can’t run the ball at all (31st in the league), which puts added pressure every week on Peyton Manning. Please don’t remind me that I’m betting against them for the third straight week (previous two weeks: 2-0).
Texans by six.

PANTHERS AT JETS
Oh man, it’s the Kris Jenkins bowl! If only Mr. Jenkins weren’t on the injured reserve. Just one of the many excuses Jets fans are giving as to why their team has, for the second straight year, tempered expectations to the point of underachieving. I suppose it was folly to think that the league wouldn’t catch up to Mark Sanchez, but we were all probably under the magical spell of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco from last year.

Coaching 101: If you have a top-five rushing asset like DeAngelo Williams, make sure to ignore it and put the game in the hands of your rattled quarterback.

Truth is, seasons like Sanchez’s and Detroit’s Matthew Stafford’s are par for the course. Both the Panthers and the Jets are beating themselves. There’s no reason for Sanchez or Jake Delhomme to be dropping back more than 30 times a game. The Jets are second in the league in rushing behind only the Titans. The Panthers are third. And yet, these teams are predictable – run on first down, pass on third down, and lots of punts. Work to your strengths and minimize the weaknesses; don’t be so arrogant as to think your quarterback play isn’t a weakness at the moment. The Jets have lost three straight home games, but I have a feeling they’ll manage Carolina a little better than AFC opponents.
Jets by eight.

BROWNS AT BENGALS
The battle for Ohio resumes this weekend, only I think it’s fair that we downgrade this from a “battle” to a “skirmish” or “tussle.” Maybe just a “heated discussion.” Both squads suffered losses in the final minute of play last week, but only one of these two is a legitimate team. I suspect Cincy cornerbacks Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall will have more than enough ease covering the Browns wide receivers. Maybe the Bengals would have more of a challenge against the Ohio State Buckeyes.
Bengals by fourteen.

REDSKINS AT EAGLES
Let’s face it, this is a game between a below-average team and an average team. It’ll get a lot of pub because they’re two NFC East teams (and therefore FOX’s early national game this week) but I don’t suspect a lot of surprises. Washington’s down to their third-string back, Rock Cartwright, who strangely got a lot written about him over on the Yahoo! Sports fantasy page. Chris Cooley is out for the year. Jason Campbell, sadly for Redskins fans, is not. Meanwhile, the Eagles will keep making just enough plays to eke out the bad teams (see: last week against Chicago). Donovan McNabb, for all his bumps, is a top-ten quarterback in almost every major passing category. No wonder Andy Reid relies on his arm game after game. (Or is it the other way around?)
Eagles by ten.

Prop bet: which will be higher, the amount of times Kyle Boller throws a touchdown or the number of fans in the stadium Sunday wearing a Kyle Boller jersey?

SEAHAWKS AT RAMS
Everyone harped on last week’s Browns/Lions game as the worst of the year and one of the worst in recent memory. But is there a less consequential game than this one? Not only are neither of these teams going anywhere, they’re not even remotely in anyone’s wild card discussion, and they’re not entertaining to watch. Worse yet, with injuries in the last week to Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson, I don’t know that there’s anyone on either team you’d start in a fantasy football league. Are you throwing Justin Forsett out there? Kyle Boller? Yuck. Stay away from this game unless you’re into sadomasochism.
Rams by three.

CHIEFS AT CHARGERS
There is no way San Diego loses this game unless Philip Rivers’ arm falls off in pre-game warm-ups. It’s a little sad to see LaDainian Tomlinson no longer act as the supreme alpha running back. Michael Turner was usurping yardage and got shipped away to Atlanta. Darren Sproles got franchised this past season to avoid a similar fate. Who knows what’s in store for LT after this record-breaking season, but part of me suspects management may let him walk (and possibly regret that decision, e.g. Drew Brees?). Soak it up, southern California. This might be the swan song of the best rusher this franchise has ever seen.
Chargers by thirteen.

JAGUARS AT 49ERS
One of these teams has a legitimate playoff shot, one of the best runners in the game, and a quarterback who doesn’t make a lot of mistakes. The other is coming off a loss, shuffles through quarterbacks like a greased-up Rolodex, and has no recognizable pass defense. So why am I picking the Niners in an upset? Because Jacksonville’s traveling three hours west and this feels like one of those games that inspires a 1000-word column from Gregg Easterbrook or Peter King as to why the league needs to alter travel schedules to accommodate such egregious alterations to the human internal clock.
49ers by two.

BEARS AT VIKINGS
This is the last week in Minny’s fall vacation tour, and no one expects them to trip up now. Why should they? Brett Favre has thrown a mere three interceptions all year (thanks for choosing now to reign in the aggression, Brett), they have a top-three run defense, a potential rookie of the year in Percy Harvin and oh-by-the-way Adrian Peterson too. The Bears have a quarterback who they’re relying on too much because Matt Forte can’t get out of his own way. Jay Cutler is suffering because the team is asking him to drop back 45 times a game. He’s just not that good of a QB, sorry. At least FOX moved this game to a later time slot so we can all witness yet another drubbing of the Bears. At least the Blackhawks are finally doing well.
Vikings by ten.

CARDINALS AT TITANS
Kurt Warner couldn’t finish the game last week. Vince Young has won four games in a row. All signs point to Tennessee, right? Wrong. Chris Johnson should have his average 120-yard, 1-2 touchdown game (isn’t it scary that you didn’t even blink twice at that suggestion?) and yes, Vince Young will cause scheming nightmares. But this Cardinals team is tougher than the credit they’re getting for the second consecutive year. Warner will be back, and he’s armed with more than the trio of Fitzgerald/Boldin/Breaston. He also has a bruising, shifty back in Beanie Wells and a superb pass-catching and blitz-picker-up back in Tim Hightower. Give me the reigning NFC champs until you prove me wrong that they can’t repeat.
Cardinals by seven.

STEELERS AT RAVENS (8:20 PM, NBC, SNF)
Lost in the midst of the will-he-play/won’t-he-play drama of Ben Roethlisberger (who has a history of managing brain damage) was the signing of former Saints backup Tyler Palko, who also played locally at the University of Pittsburgh, my alma mater. Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt chose Palko, who quarterbacked the team to a fantastic 35-7 loss in the Fiesta Bowl to the Utah Utes (led by current San Francisco 49ers reclamation project Alex Smith), over another promising rookie, Joe Flacco.

In a parallel universe, I’m a huge fan of The ‘Brow after his 2005 Fiesta Bowl victory over Utah.

Flacco transferred to the University of Delaware (my girlfriend is a Blue Hen and I visit her often; the campus is really nice!) and took Delaware to the championship game. Now, Flacco is the leader of the Ravens and has already been to an AFC Championship game (which he lost to these very Steelers). Palko is an emergency quarterback. All of this is prelude to the obvious comment: Dave Wannstedt, you messed up. Big time. What a jerk with his goofy mustache. (I retract all of these comments should Pitt beat West Virginia and Cincinnati in the next two weeks.) As for the pro game, these teams aren’t too far apart. The Ravens have only won once at Heinz Field since the start of the 2002 season, including two losses last year, one of which was that aforementioned AFC Championship. I like those odds.
Steelers by six.

PATRIOTS AT SAINTS (8:30 PM, ESPN, MNF)
The obvious Game of the Week, possibly the Game of the Season, et cetera and other capitalized superlatives. I mean, how can anyone compete against a team with the 2nd most passing yardage, tied for the third least interceptions, and leading the league in pass attempts? I speak, of course, about the New England Patriots. Didn’t see that coming? It’s true: the Patriots lead the Saints on just about every passing statistic except touchdowns (Saints have 22, Pats have 20). It’s not as if Drew Brees and the Saints are slouches in that area; they’re a clear-cut top-ten passing offense. The real surprise is in the running disparity. While Laurence Maroney has scored at least one touchdown in his last five games, the Pats are nonetheless a middle-of-the-pack team when it comes to hauling the rock by land. The Saints, on the other hand, a team that has wide receiver weaponry like Marques Colston, Jeremy Shockey, Devery Henderson, and the up-and-coming Robert Meachem, actually lead the league in rushing touchdowns with 18. They’re fifth in overall rushing yardage, so you know they can move the chains via the ground attack as well. The Patriots know a thing or two about preserving perfection. They’ll have to watch another team do it this week.
Saints by seven.

Last week (includes Thanksgiving Day games): 14-5
Overall: 112-51
Upset Special: 6-5