Shifty athleticism? Check. Dangerous open-field speed and an uncanny vision for open lanes? Check and check. I know! Let’s put the ball in his hands as much as possible!

Last week, I opened up the preview section with this quote: “YES! The long-awaited game between Brett Favre and his former team…” Perhaps it should have read: “NO! Brett Favre has long awaited a chance to thrash his former team!” An atrocious first-half doomed Green Bay to a series sweep at the hands of the hated Vikings. I’ll get to a recap of a wacky week 8, but damn it, I’ve just got a few things lingering from yesterday’s game…

THINGS I’M STILL PONDERING…

• Why’d it have to be Minnesota? Seriously – and I think I’m committing light treason here in the eyes of old-school followers of Green Bay – I think I hate Minnesota leagues more than Chicago. To me, the Bears are a classy, old-school establishment, who have more in common with the Packers than they let on. Fans of the teams “hate” each other but there’s a level of mutual respectability, probably fostered by a genial Midwestern atmosphere. The Vikings arouse in me some level of bubbling, seething furor. I’m not really sure if it’s because they wear ugly purple uniforms, or left an outdoor stadium to set up shop in a crappy dome, or besmirch the glorious tradition of Scandinavian seafarers everywhere with their tawdry horns after every first down, but they’ve taken the top notch on the Totem Pole of Football Hatred (for those interested readers, the top 5 is probably something like: Minnesota, Dallas, Pittsburgh, [rotating AFC West teams]). This was just a depressing sports weekend with the Yankees on the cusp of buying winning another World Series. At least my Orlando Magic are 3-0…
• Pity party aside, let’s take a gander at a few of the reasons the Vikes are 6-1, leading the division, and a serious playoff contender while the Packers have dropped to 4-3, in a tie for second and an iffy wild card pick. The better team clearly won Sunday, and the better quarterback prevailed (I am grinding my molars into a fine paste after typing that sentence). Favre has thrown for 515 yards and 7 touchdowns in his two games against Green Bay this year. He’s accomplished these heady numbers while battling off an extremely emotional atmosphere, which is more daunting than anything the Packers’ D has thrown at him. They’ve gotten a grand total of zero interceptions, zero sacks, and only two freaking hits on the guy. Even the first-quarter fumble was a product of dumb luck and miscommunication, not because of a relentless pass pursuit. For the second time in as many games against Minnesota, a Packers defender sounded off on the lack of pressure the defensive scheme is placing on Favre. This time, there was no hapless safety by the name of Derrick Martin to blame. No, the Vikings came into Lambeau with a pretty excellent gameplan: keep Favre upright and give the receivers space to make moves after the catch. Sound familiar? It’s exactly the plan Green Bay’s offense used last year to spark a 4,000-yard year for Aaron Rodgers!
• Meanwhile, Mr. Rodgers will have to wait another year until it’s his neighborhood in Green Bay and not a house to hold more Favre legends. Despite another solid performance (63% passing, 339 passing + rushing yards, 3 TD/0 INT), what people will take away from this game is how he got “outplayed” by Favre and how many times he ended up in the dirt. And you know what, it’s not entirely off-base to judge him like that. Some of those numbers are ballooned by the softer defense Minnesota employed in the second half when they were already up 24-3. You’ll notice that with 8 minutes to go, down only 31-26, a drive stalled in Minnesota territory when Rodgers got sacked and on the next play threw a pass into double coverage that was nearly picked off. On fourth down, a 51-yard attempt by the suddenly inconsistent Mason Crosby sliced right and the momentum went from fever pitch to blown-out tire. I highly doubt Favre would do better given Green Bay’s offensive line (in fact, I’d argue Favre would be having an awful year) but all that means is Minnesota has the tools currently to provide the “Silver Fox” with a deep playoff run. Green Bay doesn’t have that offensive line continuity, a fearsome pass rush, or the special teams edge. Not yet, anyway, and if they don’t improve in those three areas, they’ll be home for the playoffs for the second straight year.
• Not to belabor a pretty obvious point, but why-oh-why is Mason Crosby kicking deep to Percy Harvin in the fourth quarter after a once-intimidating Minnesota lead has been whittled down to a single score? From the Vikings second possession until late in the fourth when the outcome was decided, here’s where the Vikings started their drives: own 39, GB 14, own 49, GB 49, own 40, own 37, own 33, GB 38. The Vikings only had one scoring drive of 80+ yards, and you’re telling me that you trust your cover guys to stay in their lanes and keep Harvin from exploding past midfield? Green Bay didn’t commit any turnovers, but allowing Harvin to run unadulterated into Green Bay territory is as good as throwing a mid-drive pick! This guy is a surefire bet to be top-three in Rookie of the Year voting come the end of the year.
• You know what else drives me crazy? Stupid decisions. Here’s one: Johnny Jolly losing his cool on dead-ball play and extending a broken Minnesota drive. Instead of a field goal attempt, it’s first-and-goal for the Vikings on what would eventually be a fourth-down Adrian Peterson TD. This is the second straight week Jolly has gotten in the face of an opposing player and started barking; he avoided any penalties against Cleveland but his headbutt against Minnesota was too obvious to overlook. Here’s another, more subtle: the whipcrack statisticians over at ESPN have put together a stunning chart showing that Green Bay is throwing the ball nearly three-quarters of their offensive plays against Minnesota.
  

  Despite a higher completion percentage and passer rating than that Favre fella, this is the image from Sunday’s Packers/Vikings tilt that will be seared into the memory banks of fans.

  No wonder Jared Allen and the other Vikings defensive line members are pinning their ears back; they know they don’t have to worry about containing run lanes and can simply bull-rush or spin their way toward a pocket. Yes, Aaron Rodgers struggled with decision-making a few times in the first half and held the ball when he should have tucked it and ran or thrown it away. But the biggest weapon on ANY offense is the element of surprise; on every play, one team knows what play is coming and the other is mostly reacting (I realize a defense can blitz or shade coverages, but these are largely guesses as to what play is coming). To remove that weapon is to set up your quarterback, and by extension your offense, for failure.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE RANCH…

Uncork the Boone’s Farm, ‘76 Buccaneers!

Two previously winless teams, the Rams and the Titans, got their first taste of success in their 2009 campaigns this weekend against the Lions and Jaguars, respectively. First, the Rams: they played the Lions. Well, that about wraps it up! Seriously, the score midway through the second quarter was 3-2; the St. Louis Cardinals and Detroit Tigers could score more than that! Steven Jackson’s patience was finally rewarded after going nearly eight games without a touchdown (yet being in the league’s top ten rushers) when he burst through with 1:44 remaining in what would be the game’s decisive score. In Tennessee, the Titans figured out that the key to success was replacing a washed-up veteran with a confused, wasted-potential youth. Vince Young did nothing to suggest he’ll be a world-class quarterback, but he did beat a sub-par Jaguars team at home, which is more than we probably could have said for Kerry Collins.

Fun fact: San Diego QB Philip Rivers threw for 300 more yards and 17 more touchdowns last year alone than Oakland QB JaMarcus Russell has thrown his entire career.

Sadly, all this cheer and exuberance (did I actually see Steve Spagnuolo get a miniature Gatorade bath for “leading” his “team” to a 1-7 record?) did not spread to other pathetic teams: the Browns got a Derek-Andersonesque performance from Derek Anderson (6-17, 76 yards, 0 TD/2 INT) and fell 30-6 to the Bears); the Raiders made a game of it against San Diego but ultimately lost for the umpteenth straight time to the Chargers, 24-16 (Consider a hypothetical scenario: you’ve been sent back in time to assume the position of the Oakland Raiders’ GM presiding over the first overall pick in the 2007 NFL draft. The consensus top two quarterbacks available are JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn. Do you: a) select Russell and claim that doing otherwise would be futile, as history abhors a paradox; b) select Quinn and pray that all he needs is to be out of Cleveland, a la Braylon Edwards; c) self-immolate?); and Tampa Bay managed to not lose for the first time since November 2008, but only because they had a bye week.

On the flip side, maybe winning’s not all that fun, either.

I only suggest this because we saw a trio of relatively surprising results this weekend: the Giants extending their losing streak to 3; the Broncos losing for the first time this season; and the Cardinals getting shellacked at home by the Panthers. Now, I pegged the first two of this strange trilogy in my picks (how about that Upset Special, eh?) but the Cardinals loss to Carolina is bewildering to me. The only explanation is that Kurt Warner (six turnovers) was being mind-controlled by Jake Delhomme, whose sinister master plan is to turn the NFL into a league of bumbling fools in order to support his dream of arenafootball2 (which somehow operates despite the folding of its big-brother business, Arena Football, which apparently stole all the capital letters in the family) being the sole football entity in the universe. Dastardly, indeed; yet, I suspect the Cardinals’ hiccup on Sunday will be rectified by their placement atop the NFC West by the end of the year and an inclusion into the playoff structure whereas Carolina will be on the outside looking in. The Giants’ sink into mediocrity is a little more explainable: their linebackers and secondary are merely ordinary, and Eli Manning needs to find Zoltar to escape the horrible clutches of a prepubescent lifestyle. As for the Broncs losing to Baltimore? No worries – you’re always going to run into trouble flying multiple time zones away to face a hungry team with a competent quarterback.

You’ve waited all year for it: time for a gimmicky conceit!

Sunday wasn’t just a great day for sports fans and those nursing Halloween-related hangovers. It also marked the day that most of America, in deference to the silly and antiquated practice of daylight “savings,” flip our clocks back one hour producing a magical, 25-hour day. A common refrain to help us recall which way to turn the clocks is “Spring ahead; fall back,” alluding to the season in which the clock-fudging takes place. I present to you a short list of those teams that are springing ahead to postseason dreams, those who are falling back to the realities of an early first-round draft pick, and those like Arizona who abstain from any Daylight Savings fun and are caught in the middle.

Did you enjoy your vacation from the Patriots last NFL postseason? I hope you soaked it up, because Tom Brady & Co. will assuredly be back this year.

Springing ahead: The Colts, Saints, Patriots and Vikings are pretty much assured a playoff berth and it’s likely these four teams will be divisional winners. The Broncos deserve to be here, too, but I’m not yet conceding the division to them. Those pesky Chargers always seem to make a December run. That’s it: five teams. That’s all I’m comfortable prognosticating for the postseason after week 8.

Falling back: This is a lot easier, unless you’re trying to figure out just which team will “earn” the right to pick first overall. The dregs of the NFL: Tampa Bay, Oakland, Cleveland, St. Louis, Detroit, Tennessee, Kansas City, Washington, and Seattle. You can easily toss in Buffalo, Miami, Carolina, and Jacksonville as crappy three-win teams masquerading as quality teams. That makes thirteen teams out of thirty-two already polishing their drivers for January.

Stuck in the middle with you: I’m loving those wild Texans, who are 5-3 and set up to face the undefeated Colts next week in arguably the franchise’s biggest game since their 2002 opener, but will there be a wild card spot available to them with that AFC North trio clogging up the opportunities? Cincy and Pittsburgh are both 5-2; Baltimore is a mere game behind and looking competitive. The division will go to one of those teams (still way too early to tell) and it’s not inconceivable that both wild card spots will go to the other two. Toss in the aforementioned push from the Chargers, who still have games against Cleveland, Kansas City, Washington, and Tennessee, and Houston may be on the outside looking in yet again. I’m not giving up on the Jets quite yet, but they’re in my mind the next team to be dismissed. In the NFC, the East division has three teams with five wins which seemingly puts them in a position much like the AFC North, only I’m not really sold on either the Cowboys or the Giants (I think the Eagles have the best odds to win that division owing to their myriad of weapons and a history of solid coaching…or at least better coaching than Wade Phillips). San Francisco is probably only a week or two away from being a de facto dud, and Atlanta is maddeningly inconsistent. Still, they’re no less inconsistent than a team like the Packers or Bears. I think we’ll have a much, much clearer picture post-Thanksgiving, but right now I’d say the NFC East drops off a bit (there are still a large number of intra-divisional games left there) and Green Bay and Chicago have the inside track to the wild cards.

The NO-HUDDLE…
How about Ted Ginn, Jr. propelling Miami to a victory over the sloppy Jets after being demoted to third-string? Along with Percy Harvin’s performance this week and Eddie Royal’s two-TD game a few weeks back against San Diego, special teams are looking as game-changing as ever this season…Even though Peyton Manning was held without a touchdown for the first time this season, was there ever really a doubt that the Colts would come back and win against the 49ers? Despite excellent play on both the offensive and defensive lines, Indy has to be the quietest 7-0 team I can remember…A Texas two-step saw both Houston and Dallas grab their fifth wins of the year, setting up playoff hopes for the Lone Star State–which amazingly hasn’t seen a playoff win since December 28, 1996 when Dallas beat Minnesota in a wild card game…Falcons cornerback Brent Grimes had an incredible lunging interception in the second quarter of last night’s loss to the Saints, although I have to admit when I first heard the call, I thought Mike Tirico proclaimed that Frank Grimes had made the pick…

30 SECONDS OF FAME…
Watch (or don’t watch–what do I care?) below one of the myriad “UPS whiteboard” commercials that just…will…not…die. Like Michael Myers, who turned 31 last Saturday (happy B-day, big guy!), this ad has continued to live well after everyone has been murdered by its presence. OK, maybe it was neat two years ago when it debuted, but now the quips that award-winning advertising artist Andy Azula drops just prior to the end of the commercials are annoying and predictable. Get a new campaign, UPS, before we all smash our Postal Service CDs in protest (come to think of it, I may try to inspire that anyway).

WHAT I’M WATCHING NEXT WEEK:
Ravens at Bengals and Texans and Colts are all fascinating mid-season divisional matchups, but if that’s not your cup of tea, sink your teeth into Steelers at Broncos on “Monday Night Football” to see yet another test of Denver’s mettle. I would have included Cowboys at Eagles on that initial list, but that game is likely to be called by Joe Buck who will be back from his baseball-induced hiatus this week. I know the MLB playoffs are under fire for being too long, but can’t everyone see the necessity of taking the microphone out of Buck’s hands on Sundays? It’s for the common good!