Donald Driver acknowledges his ascension to the throne of the most prolific Packers’ receiver in Green Bay’s storied history.

Another week; another week of wacky finishes in the NFL. I like to think I’m a pretty accurate handicapper of football games. I’ve been watching the league for as long as I can remember and take into consideration more than simple home-field advantage and general momentum. But every once in a while, I’ll stumble into a week where none of my underdogs are up to the task, a few of the favorites trip up unexpectedly, and the rest of the games leave me wondering, “Just how in the hell did that happen?” The Packers-Lions blowout was not one of these contests, so we’ll tackle that first. The rest of the week follows. As always, feel free to leave a scornful, praiseworthy, or otherwise coherent comment at the bottom, or you can e-mail me at selfserve@gmail.com. You can also follow this blog on Twitter: @greenbayblog.

WHAT I’M STILL PONDERING A DAY LATER…

• Didn’t this game feel like a repeat of the road blowout of the Rams from last month? Build a quick lead, blow opportunities in the red zone, fail to establish consistent running game, let Rodgers get knocked around, win nonetheless. It even had Donald Driver racing down the near sideline, drawing a pass interference call, and hauling in a one-handed circus catch. Face it, Sunday’s star was the ageless wonder, Donald Driver. This was supposed to be the year Driver yielded to the youngsters. While Greg Jennings has stalled a bit and Jordy Nelson and James Jones have yet to really come on, Driver has shown up game after game and put up solid numbers. Against the Lions, he grabbed 7 balls for 107 yards, including a quick screen late in the 1st quarter that gave him the all-time Packers record for receptions. Hats off to a classy, productive, and fun-to-watch Green Bay great.
• So much for getting Chad Clifton back to inspire the offensive line to perform better. Clifton got flagged two times each for false starts and illegal formations and left the game in the second half with an apparent injury to the same ankle that held him out of two games. Rodgers got slammed to the turf five more times (giving him a league-worst 25 sacks accrued in 5 games) including one play in which he fumbled the ball at the Lions’ 3 yard line, ending a promising drive. There’s little more to say on this subject other than: HEY GUYS MAYBE PASS BLOCKING WILL IMPROVE THE OFFENSE! The penalty problem extended beyond Clifton’s rustiness — the Packers as a whole got the yellow bags of popcorn seeds tossed in their direction 13 times for a total of 130 penalized yards. That’s an abysmal total and considering the sack total and lack of rush game, you’d think Green Bay would have been lucky to win. Yet, this is the Lions organization we’re talking about here, so naturally the Pack wins 26-0.
• Part of the reason Green Bay won without much of a threat is due to the lack of starting QB-WR tandem Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson. Daunte Culpepper is a decent backup but looked awfully skittish on Sunday. Credit Dom Capers’ defense for doing exactly what it was supposed to do: get to the quarterback (five sacks, including two from first-round pick Clay Matthews); stuff the running game (18 rushes for 78 yards, a statistic that’s more impressive if you eliminate two second-half runs by Kevin Smith that accrued for half that yardage); and perhaps most importantly, force turnovers from the backup QBs (3 INTs). It helps that Culpepper had to leave the game and 3rd-stringer/Michigan State alum Drew Stanton had to step under center, but how about holding the Lions’ quarterbacks to a combined 11/25 passing for 105 yards and no touchdowns, plus the aforementioned interceptions? I know it’s at home against an overmatched opponent, but isn’t this the kind of performance you should expect in these circumstances? I say across the board, the defense produced an effort truly worthy of the shutout they garnered.
• Green Bay has finished its first run-through of the NFC North with a record of 2-1. They won both games they played at home (Chicago, Detroit) and lost their only roadie (Minnesota). They get the Vikings again in a mere two weeks for the final home divisional game – won’t it seem weird to not play Detroit or Chicago in December at Lambeau? – and play at Detroit for the Thanksgiving game. The Pack goes to Chicago in week 14 in a game that already smells like it should have playoff implications. Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves and anticipate that brutal stretch to end the season. Instead, let’s savor these next couple of weeks as games this team should have an excellent chance to win. In a division that will probably take 12 wins to capture (considering that the Vikings are already halfway to that mark) and a conference that will probably require 10 wins to snag a wild card (given the rise of non-playoff teams from last year like Green Bay, Chicago, and San Francisco), games like the Detroit game need to be decisive victories. The team’s next three road dates are all quite winnable: against the Browns next week, the Buccaneers in three, and the Turkey Day date with the Lions. The home games in that stretch are a bit tougher, all against potential playoff teams (Minnesota, Dallas, San Francisco). Imagine the team going 5-1 or 4-2 in that stretch. That would put the Packers at 8-3 or 7-4 going into December’s gauntlet with a position to capture a playoff position. The season won’t be won in October or November, but these are the games that can easily determine what happens come January.
• Sorry, Michigan. Maybe this just ain’t your year. The Michigan State Spartans lose the NCAA tournament to the Tar Heels in April; in the same month, the Pistons are swept out of the first round of the NBA playoff by the rival Cavs; the Red Wings lose the Stanley Cup to the Penguins after leading 3-2 in the series; the Tigers blow a huge division lead in September to the Twins, culminating in an extra-innings heartbreaker in the playoff game at the Metrdome; the Lions end their awful 19-game losing streak but also lose their number-one overall draft pick franchise QB a week later to a dislocated kneecap; both the Michigan Wolverines and MSU are having uninspiring seasons; all of this during a recession that crippled the auto industry-lifeblood and sent thousands of people to the unemployment line; and perhaps the worst offense of all, a new Kid Rock album. Hey, there’s always next year. I saw the Frozen Four is being held at Ford Field. That’ll be exciting! And, um, the White Stripes are neat! Hoorah, Michigan! You look like a mitten and warm our hearts by allowing us to compare our sporting existence to your bleak, never-ending disappointment.



For Detroit players/fans/residents/passers-by, winter is the only season one can experience.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE RANCH…

Smells like protein spirit!
I know I’m no Adam Schefter or John Clayton, breaking stories left and right for the interested NFL fan. So, I gotta take what I can get. Frankly, I think my news is the kind of secret information the true-in-the-blue follower of football really can appreciate. Prepare yourself! Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco was spotted in my hometown/current residence of Lancaster, Pennsylvania Saturday evening, attending a wedding. My spy was a caterer at the wedding and informed me that Flacco ordered both the steak and the fish. With all that protein buildup, you knew Flacco was going to have a breakout game eighteen hours later in Minneapolis. Flacco threw for 385 yards and two scores, coming alive in an electric fourth quarter for the Ravens and nearly leading them to a road upset of the undefeated Vikings. Alas, the Lord Brett giveth, and the Lord Brett taketh away. Yes, he was sitting on the bench as Steven Hauschka hooked that field goal that would have won the game, but you just know Hauschka was distracted by Favre’s awesome stubble. That’s the kind of five-o-clock shadow only a 40-year-old former 3-time MVP who still uncorks 60-yard rainbows can produce.

If only he had ordered the chicken and mutton instead.

Eddie Royal – the new Devin Hester! Devin Hester – the new Lee Evans! How about Royal’s returns Monday night against the Chargers? His receiving numbers were way down at the beginning of the year, but with Brandon Marshall’s return to the lineup, cornerbacks can’t clamp down on him. He’s an electrifying talent and a huge reason that the Broncos are undefeated, along with the consistent play of first-round pick Knowshon Moreno (I know Mike Shanahan is gone, but damn, how does Denver keep churning out such a palette of rushers?) and Kyle Orton. That Cutler/Orton trade that looked like such a white-flag on Denver’s part when it was made now looks like, um, a steal in the opposite direction. Jay Cutler’s not horsemeat, but let’s cool off on this savior-of-Chitown biz. He didn’t perform too badly in the second half against the Falcons, and maybe things would have been different had Matt Forte not contracted fumblitis. Still, Cutler’s supposed to rally the troops in times of need, and like it or not, he’s going to be judged by games he didn’t come back and win (like in Atlanta) just like those games he won in the fourth quarter despite not really doing much to win (like against Pittsburgh).

Stop this item before Brady scores again! 10-0 at the end of the first quarter. 45-0 at the end of the second quarter. Um, what? Three fumbles and a couple of punts in the second quarter allowed Tom Brady to get the requisite possessions needed for the record-setting quarter. In all that Nor’easter snow, didn’t those red and cream Pats jerseys and those shimmering blue Oilers helmets look fantastic? Although I’m sure the equipment manager burned all the retro jerseys before flying back to Nashville lest the bad luck travel with the team. Could it get much worse for last year’s number-1 seed? Vince Young (finally) made an appearance in mop-up duty. We’ll see if he earns a desperation start next week. Trending the opposite direction – the New England Patriots! A week removed from an OT loss to the Broncos, skeptics and fans alike wondered if Brady’s knee was truly healthy and whether or not he could reclaim his timing with Moss, Welker, & Co. Guess all he really needed was Belichick to dust off the 2007 playbook, titled: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Sportsmanship and Love the 4th Quarter Bomb.

Tom Brady always gets that giddy look when he sees the sinister glint in Coach Belichick’s eye.

The Saints go marching…and marching…and marching…
Well, we knew one undefeated team wouldn’t survive the week owing to the battle of zero-loss teams down in the bayou. Turned out to be a rather one-sided affair as Drew Brees carved up the previously top-ranked New York defense. Just like Brady, Brees quieted critics with one of his uncanny performances. On the other side of the field, things got so bad David Carr entered a game that wasn’t an exhibition. Eli Manning was shown on television barking at his running back Ahmad Bradshaw for an apparent blown coverage during a pass play that ended up in the hands of a Saint defender. Vanilla-bland announcer Troy Aikman wondered aloud if Manning was unraveling under the pressure. Naw, Troy: he’s just a proud leader of a pretty decent team who expects his teammates to back his play. This ain’t a Romo/T.O. sitch. Tough break for the Giants though: they walk out of the New Orleans frying pan right into a hot Cardinals team next week.

The various and sundry forms of ugly.
Not every game this week had a compelling matchup. Some of the uncompelling matchups even produced close scores but were in actuality very awful games. Here’s one: Kansas City 14, Washington 6. A day after losing to another winless squad, Jim Zorn was relieved of his offensive playcalling duties (meaning calling plays for the offense, not that the playcalling offended anyone…wait a minute) in lieu of a guy just brought to the team two weeks ago. Jason Campbell was predictably anemic and was benched at halftime for someone named Todd “I Play Worse Than Kerry” Collins. Here’s more badness, and not in a good James Brown way: Steelers 27, Browns 14. The Browns lost to Pittsburgh for roughly the 505,462,364th straight occasion, but that wasn’t the worst of it. Check out the official game log, from 4:09 remaining in the 3rd quarter to :14 remaining in the same quarter. That’s right, folks: two professional teams combined for five turnovers in an eight-play span lasting only 3 minutes and 55 seconds. But that’s not even the worst! Just before the half, with the Steelers driving down toward the Cleveland end zone, Ben Roethlisberger attempted a sneak on a gutsy 4th-and-1 call by coach Mike Tomlin. The play ran; the ref judged the spot; the chain gang was called in. The result was the ball falling a few chain links short — the Browns take over with a huge momentum swing! Only what happened? The refs signaled a first down for Pittsburgh with no re-measurement. Absolutely baffling! The Steelers would later have a Hines Ward touchdown reversed in what appeared to be a blatant make-up call and have to settle for a Jeff Reed field goal. But THAT isn’t even the worst offense. The crown goes to Mr. Reed, who was cited for four different violations by Pittsburgh police only hours after the game ended. Cheers to you!

In his defense, Reed was at a bar with this noisy jockey who called him a “lily-footed chump.”

THE NO-HUDDLE

The Texans managed to defy expectations for the 54th straight week, this time upsetting the Bengals in Cincy. Great play-calling by Gary Kubiak, who in a brief moment of lucidity thought it might be a grand idea to get the ball to Steve Slaton with room to move (Slaton finished with six catches for over 100 yards receiving and a TD)…The Rams managed to only lose by three to the Jaguars in overtime! The defense looked quite formidable for three-and-a-half quarters. Baby steps…On the final drive in the Panthers 28-21 win over the Buccaneers, Jake Delhomme (who sucks: 65 passing yards/2 INT) was only told to throw once; on the contrary, DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart ran for the other 76 yards. You think it might be a good idea to feed the ball to your two backs who, at that point, had just under 200 combined rushing yards?…The Raiders beat the Eagles on one great play (the long Russell-to-Miller TD) and dozens of awful ones by Philly…I think it’s safe to say the Cardinals are getting their act together. The Seahawks never even stood a chance. So much for that raucous crowd advantage I predicted…Mark Sanchez threw 5 interceptions in the Jets’ loss to the Bills, which is bad, but what does it say about Buffalo that they had six total turnovers forced and still only won on a field goal in OT? I guess it says both teams are lucky they weren’t against Mr. Brady this weekend.

30 SECONDS OF FAME
A new and hopefully continuous feature in which I digest a television ad that incessantly played over the weekend. When one ingests as much football on Sundays as I do, one tends to be inundated with advertisements. This week I was struck by the savvy new parodic ad for Verizon’s upcoming Droid phone in which the iPhone is skewered for all its limitations. Apple should be well-versed in parody and this one strikes all the right chords, from font to black-and-white color scheme to cheerfully bland/blandly cheerful female singer-songwriter tunes. The chaotic, glitchy ending works for me too, delivering the punchline with style and intrigue. Score one for Verizon.

WHAT I’M WATCHING THIS WEEKEND
Would you believe it, but I’m going to be in Cleveland this weekend to personally attend the Packers/Browns tilt. I’m arriving at the Mistake by the Lake Friday evening, doing a little sightseeing, then donning the cheesehead for the 1 PM start. Trust me: I will not be wearing a split Brady Quinn/A.J. Hawk jersey. Should be a great time and a fun game, and I’ll try to post pictoral evidence of my venture as soon as I return home. If I weren’t so lucky as to be invading the Dawg Pound, I’d be checking out any of these three games:
Vikings at Steelers: Well, duh. Everyone wants to see if Favre’s torso makes it out of Heinz Field intact.
49ers at Texans: Sleeper game of the week. Two inconsistent teams go into the retractable dome…only one can emerge vaguely more confident in their playoff hopes.
Patriots at Buccaneers: OK, this game should be an absolute laugher, but it’s in ENGLAND! Odds on first player to have name mistaken for authentic Londoner: Earnest Graham.

Instead of a stiff-arm, he’ll deliver a stiff upper lip. Pip pip!